"The Transformative Power of Asking for Help"

I know a lot of us struggle with: asking for help. For the longest time, I saw asking for support as a sign of weakness or as if I was burdening someone. I’ve spent years unlearning that, and I want to share this journey with you.

Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard

I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us, especially those in heart-centered professions, often feel like we have to do it all ourselves. We’ve been conditioned to be the givers—the ones who show up, the ones who support others. So when it comes to receiving support ourselves, we shy away. Why is that?

1. People-Pleasing Tendencies: If you’re like me, you might worry that by asking for help, you’re being a burden or causing conflict. People-pleasers feel a deep responsibility to make things easier for others, often at their own expense.
   
2. Perfectionism and Control: Many of us have this inner belief that no one can do things as well as we can. If you’re a perfectionist, it’s tough to trust that someone else’s support will meet your high standards.
   
3. Fear of Being Seen as Weak: Asking for help can feel vulnerable. It can trigger fears around inadequacy, even though logically, we know that seeking support actually takes strength.
4. Conditioned Self-Sufficiency: For me, being raised by immigrant parents who prioritized self-sufficiency added another layer. I grew up witnessing them working so hard to do it all on their own. It was ingrained in me to be independent, which served me well in some areas but also created this deep-seated resistance to asking for help.
   

These patterns didn’t come out of nowhere; they’re responses we learned along the way. But when we hold ourselves to these self-imposed rules, we miss out on opportunities for true growth and support.

Reframing Asking for Help as a Strength

If there’s one thing I want you to take from this, it’s that asking for help is not a weakness. Let’s reframe it: asking for help is a strength and a sign of growth.

1. It’s a Reallocation of Energy: By outsourcing tasks, delegating, or simply asking for input, you’re freeing up energy for the work only you can do. Imagine having more time for the things that light you up, like coaching, creating, or connecting.
2. Receiving as Self-Care: Think of receiving as a way to nurture yourself. The same way we practice self-care routines, asking for help is a way of allowing ourselves to be filled up so we can continue to show up as our best selves.
   
3. The Gift of Community: Humans are wired for community. We thrive in connection, not isolation. When we allow others to support us, we build stronger bonds, enrich our communities, and open ourselves to a flow of energy that keeps us going.

Common Struggles Coaches and Healers Face with Receiving

If you’re reading this, you’re probably a coach, healer, or someone who naturally gives. We’re often givers, and we might feel uneasy about being on the receiving end. Here are a few struggles I’ve noticed in myself and my clients:

• Feeling Guilty or Unworthy: When we’re constantly giving, receiving can feel strange, like we’re asking for too much. But remember, you’re worthy of the same love and support you so freely offer others.
• Conditioned Self-Sufficiency: Many of us grew up learning to be self-sufficient. Whether that’s from family influences, previous careers, or cultural conditioning, this belief can keep us from reaching out.
• Fear of Conflict or Inconveniencing Others: This one’s big, especially for people-pleasers. We often avoid asking for help because we’re worried about “bothering” others.

I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing selfish or bothersome about asking for help. When you start to see it as a way to honor yourself, it can become an act of self-love.

Steps to Start Asking for Help

It might feel overwhelming to think about starting to ask for help, so let’s break it down. Here are a few simple steps that can help you get comfortable with it:

1. Start Small

Start by asking for help with little things. Maybe it’s asking a friend for advice on something simple or reaching out to a colleague for feedback. Start building that “receiving muscle” so that it feels more natural over time.

2. Be Clear About What You Need

Reflect on where you feel most stuck or drained. Be specific about what kind of support would feel most helpful, whether that’s in business or personal life. The more clarity you have, the easier it is to receive.

3. Practice Over-Asking (Without Attachment)

This might feel uncomfortable, but lean into asking for support even if you think you don’t “need” it. Over-ask without being attached to whether others can give. It’s about building confidence in asking and normalizing the act of seeking support.

4. Invest in Support

If there’s a particular area where you need consistent help, consider investing in support. That could mean hiring a VA, signing up for a business course, or finding a coach. Investing in support is an investment in your business’s future and your well-being.

5. Lean on Existing Support Networks

If you have friends, family, or a mentor you trust, start by sharing your struggles or asking for small favors. Building a support system doesn’t always mean hiring help; it can be as simple as knowing who in your life you can turn to for different types of support.

Releasing the Fear of Being “Too Much”

One of the most liberating lessons I learned was from my own coach, who told me, “Don’t put my boundaries up for me.” She reminded me that if I needed help, I could reach out. This piece of advice was like a lightbulb moment because I’d been holding back, assuming I would be too much or too needy.

I now remind my clients of the same thing: You’re not “too much.” You’re not a burden. You’re a human with needs, just like everyone else. Trust that people have their own boundaries, and you don’t need to create boundaries on their behalf.

The Transformation That Happens When You Ask for Help

I can’t emphasize enough the transformation that happens when you embrace receiving. When I started asking for help, I found

• More Energy and Creativity: By letting go of the things I didn’t need to do, I had more energy for the things that mattered, like connecting with my clients or creating content.
• Stronger Relationships: When I opened myself up to receive, my relationships deepened. It’s like the people in my life saw me more fully, and I felt more connected.
• Increased Business Growth: With the added support, I could focus on growth areas in my business, leading to better outcomes for myself and my clients.

How to Change Your Relationship with Receiving

If you struggle with receiving, it might be helpful to shift your perspective. Here are some mindset shifts to consider:

• Receiving as a Gift to Others: By allowing others to help you, you’re giving them the opportunity to feel fulfilled and valuable.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that you’re worthy of support. Self-compassion can help you soften that inner resistance and embrace the love that’s available to you.
• Release the Scorekeeping: Receiving doesn’t mean you “owe” anyone. Try to receive without feeling like you have to repay immediately.

Building a “Receiving Practice” in Your Business and Life

If you’re ready to dive deeper, here’s a practice that I think could be transformative for you:

• Identify Your Support Channels: List the people, tools, or resources you can turn to for help. This could be anything from your spouse, friends, a coach, or a helpful tool like scheduling software.
• Plan Regular Check-Ins: Maybe weekly or monthly, check in with yourself and ask, “Where do I need support right now?” Allow yourself to be honest with your answer.
• Take Action to Ask for Help: Reach out, whether it’s scheduling a call with your coach, hiring someone for a small task, or even asking a friend for emotional support. Celebrate each time you practice this muscle, even if it feels small.

You Deserve to Be Supported

Remember, you’re not in this alone. You deserve the same love and support that you so generously give to others. Learning to ask for help and receive support has been one of the most transformative things for me. It’s opened up space for me to serve at my highest level, to be more present, and to find joy in my work.

So, let this be your permission slip: It’s safe to be supported.

Ready to Step Into Your Next Level with Support?

If this feels like exactly what you need and you're ready to embrace real support on your journey, I have two 1:1 coaching spots open for 2025. This is a space where you can receive the support, clarity, and encouragement you need to thrive. 

→ APPLY FOR 1:1 COACHING HERE and let’s make this the year you fully embrace the power of receiving.

XO,

Shawne